well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
