He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
