apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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