he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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