dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize