don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
