I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
