i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
