I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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