Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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