His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
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There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
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Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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