Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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