She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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