Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
