She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
