Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
