Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
