kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i love accidental penises.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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