I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
operation harelip BJ is a go
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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