Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
