I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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