so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
