just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
