I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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