I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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