life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
