I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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