I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
