Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
