she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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