I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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