Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
