Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
