hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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