Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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