There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
