Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
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Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
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Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We need to get me chipped asap
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize