I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Don't make out with my wife yet
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
