Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
