i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
