It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize