why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
