he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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