his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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