he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
