You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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