she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
