You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So. Much. Porn.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
