I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
