I love black thongs
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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