Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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