I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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