i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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