Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
