i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I will be naked everywhere
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
