i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
