I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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