OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
