I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
