He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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