Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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