You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
