franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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