i think i have two assholes
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
