Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
