i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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