just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Fuck appropriateness.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
