I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
it's like heaven, but drunker
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
