I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
