guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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