So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
