My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
