I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
