Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
