I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It's just like the Real World with babies
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
