Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How does it feel to date your dad?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
