Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
