I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
