So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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