My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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