I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
