I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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