One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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