You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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