I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
