I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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