he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
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it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
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Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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