Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
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I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
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Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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