My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Randomize
