I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
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It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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